twenty four years later, he writes

'I'd "do" you, if you were 17.'
above a picture of me



i think several things:

i wasn't doing anyone when that picture was taken.

the truth that just now reveals itself
is that i doubt i would have
been able to handle it

i was doing the best that i could
just doing what i thought i needed
for the most part i got it right
(about myself but not the others)

i was blind
i think of the letter that another man wrote
though I always get them confused

after a night with a wonderful
Greek man - he wrote to me
"you are like a rock"

and I know he is right
I know my heart is in the middle
and cannot escape

let it go

really did
knew i wouldn't want to know
or remember where to find him
knew that there was nothing but
nothing to being in his arms

i admit

for the first time
that my desire is larger
than what is before me

no fantasy

i tried this afternoon
i really did
thought i'd try out
thinking about you
when i was otherwise engaged
you know, naked and experiencing
sensual pleasures
but the thoughts didn't work
all i did was think more about
where my mind needed to be
and why this wasn't working
and that was just distracting
even thinking about that most
beautiful powerful body naked
above me, around me
just didn't work